When they say every flavour they mean every flavour
Put you hand in who knows what you’re getting
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans
They are a risk with every mouthful
There’s lettuce, and onion, and every kind of cheese you’d ever eat and some you wouldn’t, and peanut flavour too
There’s also chips, and pizza, and earwax flavour, there’s even something that looks suspiciously like pepper
Strawberry, and almond, pork, and half-baked cake, there’s also plastic, and ink of every kind of colour
There’s tomato, and radish, and egg, and grass, and watermelon. Watch out for the brown ones – ‘could be mud or chocolate too or even…
Flour, and carrot – steamed or fried or both, or maybe toffee if you’re lucky (’cause the ochre ones could be anything)
There’s gravel, and salad, and fish, and beef, and pasta sauce with bacon and olives, and a cauldron full of frogs eyes
And there’s liver, and tripe, and spice, and all things nice, there’s also rubber, and mint, and the sticky stuff you find at the back of cupboards.
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans!
3 sickles Harry! Let’s buy some!
Coleslaw, and cracker, and hot waffles with jam, there’s also caviar, and pigeon, and Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers
And green ones you’d only try if you’re Godric Gryffindor with your eyes closed when you’re much too sick to smell anything
And cocoa, and milk, and chilli sauce, and Branston pickle. You could try that grey one – but rather you than me ’cause I’m a Slytherin.
(Chorus x 3)
This one tastes like kumquats.
D’you think there’s any E numbers in these, Harry?
This one’s got a checkered pattern on it!
I’m not touching that one!
Aren’t there’ any nice beans?
Where do they get all these flavours from?
Oh no… Corned beef!
This one tastes alr– n-no it doesn’t!
Harry, I think I need to go to St Mungo’s…
Well that’s 3 sickles down the drain.